Let’s do a brainstorming exercise. What are some things that come to mind when you think of the concept of femininity? Up until recently, my list would have looked something like this:
- Pink
- Makeup
- Flowers
- Fashion
- Motherhood
- Not outdoorsy
- Timidity
- Soft-spokenness
While I think these are typical feminine associations, I don’t think femininity is as simple as these words. The problem with defining femininity like this for the past few years is that I excluded myself from the concept by definition. By my own understanding of the word, I was not feminine. I didn’t like pink; I didn’t wear makeup; I didn’t know anything about fashion; I was outdoorsy; and I was loud. So when I thought of femininity growing up, I thought of a woman very different from me. Not only that, but I thought of a woman I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to wear makeup. I didn’t want to be soft-spoken. I didn’t want to stop being outdoorsy. And so I convinced myself not only that I wasn’t feminine, but that I shouldn’t be.
I think the issue with lists like this is that they are too superficial. These are classic feminine associations, but that’s not because these things are the essence of femininity. It’s the other way around. Femininity is its own essence and often manifests in these ways. It often manifests in a preference for the color pink, a desire to wear makeup, an appreciation for flowers, and so forth, but those things aren’t the absolute definition of femininity.
So what is?
We can answer this question by examining the common thread running through each association, identifying a trend. We can determine why we think each thing is feminine and how all those whys connect. You can do this with your own list, but my list ends up looking like this:
- Pink is feminine because… it’s tied to life and beautification; think flowers, fruit, etc.
- Makeup is feminine because… it’s a creative outlet and it allows a woman to beautify and express herself with her appearance.
- Flowers are feminine because… they’re delicate and, biologically speaking, they’re the reproductive part of floral plants.
- Fashion is feminine because… it’s another creative outlet through which a woman can beautify and express herself.
- Motherhood is feminine because… women are able to create life within their wombs and nurture that life afterward.
- A lack of outdoorsiness is feminine because… it’s a manifestation of vulnerability and a need for protection from the elements.
- Timidity is feminine because… it is a manifestation of gentleness and vulnerability.
- Soft-spokenness is feminine because… it represents gentleness and consideration for the people around you.
So what we can do here is pull out the common threads that make each of these things seem feminine to create another more specific list. Mine looks something like this:
Femininity is…
- Tied to life/life-giving/nurturing
- Creative/expressive/beautifying
- Delicate/vulnerable/gentle/considerate
Growing up, femininity was unattainable for me, because I was not and did not want to be the things on my list. I did not want to be less outdoorsy, wear more makeup, or become interested in fashion. But the truth is I don’t have to do those things to be feminine. What I have to do is cultivate my ability to “give life” to those around me, to nurture my relationships and the environments I exist in. I have to develop my ability to express myself through creative pursuits and beautify the pieces of the world I encounter. I have to learn to be considerate of the people around me, to embrace my vulnerabilities (when it makes sense to), and to depend on the people around me (again, when it makes sense to).
And these are all things I can do without forcing myself to like a superficial color, faking timidity, or forcing myself to give up something I’m passionate about like camping. Femininity is not a color, a hobby, or a habit. It’s an essence, a creative, life-giving, delicate essence.
What does your list look like?
As always, stay lavender.
— Theresa
0 Comments